The Eternal Dilemma of Relationships: Actions VS Words

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Couple having a discussion in the kitchen

What would you rather have: a partner who nags you within an inch of your grave but always takes care of you, or a partner who is sweet as honey but hangs about waiting for you to handle everything?

Whispers only sweet nothings plus does everything, you say? Well, I applaud your optimism while chuckling with mild amusement at your childlike dreams. It’s not going to happen — you will end up with one kind or the other (or someone who both shouts and does nothing, if you are one of those particularly unlucky ones). People who will do the world for you while also remaining easy on the ears do not exist. If they do, they become Mother Teresa and avoid the dating scene altogether.

The Greater the Actions, the Louder the Words

Whoever said actions speak louder than words missed an essential point — it is not an either/or scenario at all. Actions in relationships mostly come with the “and” of words. The ones who are quick to do things for you are also quick to talk your ears off. It is so naturally human that it cannot be avoided.

The more a person cares about you and does for you, the more they expect from you and of you. Actions come with expectations, and these expectations get expressed in words (or shouts if they go repeatedly unmet!). So, if your partner is in charge of cooking dinner and you show up late two nights in a row, rest assured there will be hell to pay the third night — “I’m making the effort to cook and you cannot make the effort to just show up?”. If they have taken over your laundry, you will surely hear about your dirty clothes strewn all over instead of being in the hamper. If they threw you a huge birthday bash and you don’t have any plans for their birthday, well, you are playing with fire my friend!

While we keep complaining about how much our partners nag us, the fact is that it’s pretty much collateral damage – if you want the care, you have to accept the nagging.

Conversely, the ones who are always quietly pleasant (if they even exist) will just not be that emotionally invested in you — they will not do so much. It’s quite simple, really: lesser the actions, lesser the words. If they don’t do as much in the first place, they will not expect as much from you. If they don’t expect as much, they don’t say so much. That’s probably the reason why relationships that afford both partners a lot of space also work – if no one is waiting for you at home, you don’t get yelled at for coming home late.

So, is it “Goodbye Meaningful Relationships” or “Goodbye Ears?”

Well, before you place the order for that hearing aid, let me hastily mention that one can, of course, have balance in a relationship. But before that gets figured out, you need to accept the fact that your partner is not Mother Teresa. While we enjoy being taken care of, we need to understand that the expectations, nagging, and parent-like scoldings are a natural outcome of that care. Just the same if your partner is the relaxed one who doesn’t interfere in every little aspect of your life — that will work only as long as you are OK to not have constant care and support.

This is not to say that one or the other is right; it is more about what fits better for two people. You can’t always see the love in the nagging. Sometimes you literally just want to pull your arm out and stuff it in your ear. Just the same, while it is very lofty to talk about space and independence in relationships, sometimes you actually need a pseudo parent — the complete package who pampers you like a child and scolds you as if you really are an erring 5 year old.

The idea is to balance it out while being aware of the actions-words equation. Don’t expect your partner to do everything for you and don’t do everything for them. Sometimes, leave them alone and let them do whatever the hell they want. Yes, the shirt does not exactly match the pants — let him go anyway. Yes, she is binging on those unhealthy cookies today — turn away!

Use this time to let go, be the cool one, and enjoy the calm and quiet (while it lasts). Just the same, if you have been whining like a baby for the last 3 days because of a cold and your partner has that exasperated-yet-concerned look that reminds you of your mother, well, accept your inevitable fate: there is a big bagful of words and only words coming right at you!

So this is the “big” secret to a happy life: next time your ears are tired, do the laundry. In the case that you are tired of laundry, send a little note to your ears to brace themselves and report for duty!

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4 Things Worth Spending On For A Happier, Healthier Life

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travelling

While most of the people explore ways to save some money, there are things in our life that are worth spending a bit of your cash. There are things that do not cost much, but can really make you or people around you, happier and healthier.

Here is a list of  the Top-4 things you really shouldn’t cut money on, in everyday life.

1. New experiences that enrich your life

You deserve to treat yourself. All human beings are selfish by their nature, and there is nothing wrong in being a bit selfish. You should not sacrifice your whole life to other people or animals. And the first way to spend your money effectively is new experience. It is rather a service than material goods. Under new experiences, people usually think education or job. But that’s not what I mean. Right now, we’re talking about active leisure, sports, and tourism. These things may not be that cheap, but they enrich your life for ages ahead. Besides, if you know all the tricks, you can avoid wasting too much money on your trip to the neighboring country.

You can learn more about how to save money on your trip. The researchers at Cornell University observed that material items are not as expensive as our mental values. We would buy a recently released smart phone and get tired of it in a few months, when a more fashionable model appears. However, we would never forget that amazing vacation on the seaside, snowy trip to the mountains or the exciting safari with rare animal species. It should not be just about going abroad or travelling to the Miami Beach, this point involves attending art exhibits, music gigs, doing outdoor activities, or simply learning a new skill. You might have never tried playing mini-golf or parasailing. Well, it’s never too late. Perhaps, you will discover that you truly enjoy this new experience. These activities usually cost up to $20-25, but your experience will cost much more.

2. Home Accessories & Decoration

You may wonder, but your health condition and mood greatly depends on the place where you live or work. Your apartment’s energy has a great impact on your guests as well. After all, it’s an impression you leave. That is why it’s crucial not to ignore the role of overall tidiness, general repairs, and, of course, small accessories that make the atmosphere snug. Nothing in the world works better than fast flower delivery when you’re expecting someone to arrive.

Other than the wonderful smell and positive visual effect, these living creatures also add a punch of color and good mood to the rest of your day. Consult local florists and select your type of flowers: chrysanthemums, sunflowers, roses, or Peruvian lilies.

3. Beauty and Grooming

This hack implies taking care of your hair, body, and clothing. Appearance always matters. You may be a great professional, but you’ll create a negative impression if you look unkempt. I should warn you that this section involves the greatest spending. You may decide to purchase cheap cosmetics or hair-care goods, but you risk making the situation even worse. Nowadays, it is recommended to pay more for bio-cosmetics instead of destroying your hair or nail structure with $1-3 shampoo or nail polish.

Remember: you’ll never get high quality for low price. That’s all myths people tell to sell. Call your friend, bring sushi with a bottle of good wine, and enjoy at-home hair dye. Home procedures may save you some money only in case you know people who are experts in this area. Don’t allow just anyone to color your hair or do some make-up. It is better to get your hair professionally dyed. After all, it will be very difficult to repair the damage done by cheap products.

4. Healthcare and Medicine

Perhaps, this is the most critical of all the points given here. People often ignore doctors, until the day something goes wrong. It is advisable to pay for extra examinations, even when you believe you’re absolutely healthy. We may not feel many of the health disorders, in their initial stages of development. It is crucial to take medical tests periodically. It is easier and much cheaper to get rid of a disease at an early stage than to fight with a serious one later. In addition, don’t hesitate to spend your cash on vitamins and minerals to keep fit.

Being close-fisted in these circumstances may ruin your life. Fitness gyms, travels, house decorum, hospitals, and beauty salons are things that are really worth your attention. You will never feel pity for investing a particular sum of money in your health or your child’s future. So, stop buying just every new tablet or shoes on the market – it’s time to think about more responsible aspects of our life, that will make you happier in the long run.

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