You can now buy garlic and holy water soap to, uh, ward off vampires

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Finally, the soap we’ve all been searching for: one that keeps all the vampires we meet at bay.

PoJo’s Pure Vermont, an online shop specializing in handmade soaps, has created a soap scented with an elegant blend of garlic and “holy water.” According to the product’s description, it is guaranteed to “repel even the most aggressive vampires” and “simply wash away the danger of vampire attacks.” Convenient!

And helpfully, the FAQ section for the soap answers the only three questions you probably have: 

Q:  Is this a real product?

A:  Yes, of course!  

Q:  Does it really prevent physical vampire attacks?

A:  Nobody who has used this soap has ever been attacked by a vampire.

Q:  Does this soap actually smell like garlic?

A:  Yes, Garlic & Holy Water Vampire Repelling Soap contains garlic oil and no additional fragrances, so it does have a distinctive garlic odor.

The store even offers a 100 percent money-back guarantee. But don’t even think about weaseling your way to a full refund without reading the fine print.

*Guaranteed to prevent physical vampire attacks only.  This product does not prevent or reduce the risk of spiritual or psychic attacks.

So, if you’re attacked by Dracula on the street, you’re good to go. If you’re seduced by anyone’s charms, intelligence or good looks, you’re on your own. 

Better stock up just in case.

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