Today I Learned That Dane Cook Has Never Had One Sip Of Alcohol In His 47-Year Life And I Am Shook To My Core

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Disclaimer: I know I’m like one billion internet years late to this news, but I learned that Pittsburgh has an ‘h’ at the end like last Tuesday so BACK OFF. 

Today I learned that Dane Cook, a 47-year-old man, has never had one sip of alcohol. Yes, that Dane Cook, the guy whose comedy act is the visual manifestation of an 8-ball of cocaine wearing a chain wallet and a flat brim while drinking a Monster energy.

Dane has probably revealed this many times before, but I first learned about the comedian’s 17,200+ day sober streak by way of the video below.

 

Learning that Dane Cook has never once had a sip of alcohol is like hearing Hugh Hefner is a virgin or the guy at my gym with the lifted Ford F-150 and “My other toy has tits” bumper sticker has a big hog.

The guy was a fucking comedy rock star all throughout his 20s, working nights and hanging with comedians who are, by nature, notorious degenerates. How many times can one man possibly say “no” before caving, if for no other reason than to shut people up? If every day someone asked me if I wanted a finger in my butt, I’d say no for like the first year-and-a-half, and then I’d slip a pinky in just to know for myself what all the hoopla was about. And fingers-in-butts isn’t as widely accepted as adults drinking libations, except when my girlfriend is out of town and I’m whacking it in the shower I mean what?

If this news isn’t blowing your top off, lets try a visual exercise.

You just woke up from a 10-year coma. The doctors come in to check your vitals and brain function. They show you two images of celebrities and ask you which one has struggled with alcoholism. These are the two photos you are shown.

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Waiting for #Halloween like…

A post shared by Dane Cook (@danecook) on

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS FUCKING HARRY POTTER AND NOT THE GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE HE HITCHHIKES TO DAVE AND BUSTERS.

I don’t know how long it will take me to process this information and come to terms with it, but for now, up is down, left is right, and grown man rat tails are en vogue.

All I know is that all hope is not lost for Dane to come over to the dark side. Oh wait, never mind. If sending your own brother to prison doesn’t send you into an alcohol-fueled tailspin, I think you’re too far gone.

 

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Tesla meets SpaceX meets Back To The Future!

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Say hello to the automotive mashup of the century! I mean, if your Tesla car can have a bio-hazard mode, how far are we really from your car being able to travel through time and space? If Elon could, Elon certainly would, right?

The Tesla x SpaceX x BTTF combination comes from the mind of Charlie Nghiem, a maverick automotive designer who’s even made a Tesla x Rimowa concept collab. This holy-trinity mashup features both of Elon Musk’s current ventures, electric automobile company Tesla, and space exploration venture SpaceX, along with an unlikely third, the DeLorean from Back To The Future (Musk is a Rick and Morty fan, so maybe he loves BTTF too?) The car looks like a pimped out Tesla Roadster complete with all the trims and the massive afterburners from the BTTF automobile. The car’s even got a hoverboard casually resting against its side, and features a SpaceX logo at the base of the C pillar, because where they’re going, they don’t need roads.

Hey Elon, you dig?

Designer: Charlie Nghiem

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AI IN TELECOMMUNICATIONS: Why carriers could lose out if they don’t adopt AI fast — and where they can make the biggest gains

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Mobile revenueIn the face of rising demand for data, increasingly saturated mobile markets, and stiff opposition from legacy players, tech entrants, and startups, global telecoms are locked in a battle for market share. These market pressures have led to vicious price wars for mobile services and, as a result, declining average revenue per user (ARPU).

Making matters worse, improvements in infrastructure and technology have made telecoms largely comparable in terms of coverage, connection speeds, and service pricing, meaning companies must transform their businesses if they hope to compete.

For many global telecoms, shoring up market share under today’s pressures while also future-proofing operations means having to invest in AI. The telecom industry is expected to invest $36.7 billion annually in AI software, hardware, and services by 2025, according to Tractica.

Through its ability to parse large data sets in a contextual manner, provide requested information or analysis, and trigger actions, AI can help telecoms cut costs and streamline by digitizing their operations. In practice, this means leveraging the increasingly vast gold mine of data generated by customers that passes through wireless networks — the amount of data that moves through AT&T’s wireless network has increased 470,000% since 2007, for example. 

In the AI in Telecommunications report, Business Insider Intelligence will focus on the use of AI to enhance the customer experience, which can directly impact revenue. Each year, an estimated $62 billion is lost by US businesses after inferior customer experiences, according to NewVoiceMedia. We will discuss the forces driving firms to AI, pinpoint some of the top use cases of AI along the customer journey, and identify some of the leading companies in the space

The companies mentioned in this report are: AT&T, CenturyLink, China Mobile, IBM, Spectrum, Sprint, Swisscom, Telia, T-Mobile, and Vodafone.

Here are some of the key takeaways from the report:

  • Telecoms have long struggled with their customer experience image: In 2018, telecommunications had the lowest average Net Promoter Score (NPS), a measure of how favorably a company is viewed by customers, of any industry.
  • Companies that use advanced analytics, which can be accessed via AI, to improve this image and the overall customer experience are seeing revenue gains and cost reductions within a few years of adoption. 
  • Most (57%) executives believe that AI will transform their companies within three years, per Deloitte’s State of AI in Enterprise. 
  • Overall, telecoms should focus on a hybrid organizational model to move beyond pilots to launch full-scale AI solutions that can have the biggest impact on their companies.

In full, the report:

  • Outlines what factors are leading telecoms to turn to AI technology. 
  • Describes the benefits of using AI in telecommunications. 
  • Highlights players that have successfully implemented AI solutions.
  • Discusses how telecoms should move forward with AI projects. 

Interested in getting the full report? Here are three ways to access it:

  1. Purchase & download the full report from our research store. >> Purchase & Download Now
  2. Subscribe to a Premium pass to Business Insider Intelligence and gain immediate access to this report and more than 250 other expertly researched reports. As an added bonus, you’ll also gain access to all future reports and daily newsletters to ensure you stay ahead of the curve and benefit personally and professionally. >> Learn More Now
  3. Current subscribers can read the report here.

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Scientists have detected dozens of potential Mars quakes — and the early data suggests Mars may be less Earth-like than we thought

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marsquake simulation

Scientists have been listening to whispers from below Mars’ surface.

NASA’s InSight lander, which touched down on Mars in November 2018, gave scientists the unprecedented ability to detect and monitor quakes on Mars. The lander’s built-in seismometer detected its first quake in April, and since then, researchers have recorded dozens more potential Mars quakes.

The nature of this shaking is changing what scientists thought they knew about the red planet.

NASA InSight Mars lander

So far, the biggest surprise is that seismic waves on Mars more closely resemble moon quakes than earthquakes — which probably means Mars’ crust is more dry and broken up than we thought.

"So far, we have assumed that the crust of Mars is similar to the Earth’s crust," Simon Stähler, a Mars seismology researcher at ETH Zurich, said in a press release. "The fact that the wave form of the Mars quakes resembles the moon quakes gives us for the first time a picture of how the Martian crust is internally structured. Until now, we could only look at it from the outside."

mars

Mars, the moon, and Earth quake for different reasons

Studying seismic activity helps scientists piece together the history of how rocky planets formed in our solar system. On Earth, for example, tracking how seismic waves move through the planet’s interior helped researchers calculate the size of its core.

Reading the seismic waves on Mars, scientists hope, will reveal clues about what the plant’s inside looks like and how it’s changing. 

"Seismology is how you get the details," Mark Panning, a seismologist on the NASA InSight team, told Business Insider.

Not all quakes are created equal. When the Earth shakes, it’s because tectonic plates in the crust are clashing at fault lines. Mars doesn’t have tectonic plates, though. So scientists think Mars quakes probably come from a constant internal-cooling process, which happens inside most rocky planets. As the core cools, the material contracts, which causes stress to build. This eventually cracks the crust and causes a quake.

tectonic plates noaa

Seismic waves from quakes — regardless of the cause — also travel on different paths and at different rates, depending on what type of material they’re moving through. 

On Earth, the source of seismic waves is easily detectable, since the crust is comprised of relatively uniform, solid rock (which has been melted and re-paved by volcanic activity over millions of years). That rock also has water in it, which absorbs energy, causing waves to die out faster. That’s why earthquakes last for just a few minutes.

On the moon, however, quakes can last longer than an hour.

Moon

"A moon quake builds up for minutes, then decays away for an hour or more. So it looks very different," Panning said. "The reason moonquakes look that way is because the moon’s surface is really dry and really broken up. It’s been basically sitting there for billions of years and getting hit by meteorites."

Still, researchers expected quakes on Mars to fall more on the Earth-like end of the spectrum. That’s because they thought the planets had similar crusts, given that Mars once had plenty of volcanic activity and water.

But the initial data suggests that may not be the case.

How Mars quakes are changing scientists’ understanding of the red planet 

mars ice cap

So far, the length of Mars quakes seems to fall somewhere in the middle of the moon’s and Earth’s, at about 10 to 20 minutes. Mars also appears to be a little more seismically active than the moon, but a lot less than Earth.

Mars’ seismic waves also reverberate more than waves on Earth, and more similarly to moon quakes.

"It’s bouncing off all of these broken-up bits, so that gives you something that lasts a long time," Panning said. 

This suggests that Mars’ crust has layers of rugged, dry, broken-up rock like the moon’s. 

The artist’s representation below shows how seismic waves from a Mars quake might move through the red planet’s interior.

 

The animation, made by an InSight seismologist at ETH Zurich, shows the different types of waves the InSight team is studying. The blue waves are the initial bouncy pulses that spread out quickly from the quake’s source. The red ones follow as a result, and seismologists can use the lag between them to calculate how far away the quake’s source is.

The long waves of red and white that spread along the sides of the animation are surface waves that bounce through crust material — their reverberations suggested the moon-like qualities of Mars’ crust.

The researchers expected Mars’ crust to be more dry and broken than Earth’s, but not quite this much. They don’t know yet what to make of the new finding.

Much more to learn

A few dozen Mars quakes aren’t enough to reveal the red planet’s secrets, however.

"The biggest thing that we can do with the pretty small number of events we’ve seen so far is really understand how active Mars is now," Panning said. "That’s telling you a lot of information on how Mars is evolving over time."

So far, the signals from Mars quakes have also been too faint to offer information about the internal structure of the planet below its crust. A person standing on Mars would not have been able to feel any of the shaking InSight’s tools picked up.

In fact, a team of InSight seismologists in Zurich had to amplify those seismic signals by a factor of 10 million in order to accurately simulate the shaking on the scale of an earthquake.

 

For these reasons, the InSight team is still waiting for a big quake that travels through the planet’s core.

"Then we can start actually making detailed pictures of what the Martian interior looks like," Panning said. "There’s a waiting game right now. We’re going to be listening for another year and a half, so we’re expecting to see a lot more things."

In the meantime, the InSight team trying to fix the lander’s "mole," a tool that’s supposed to dig down 16 feet and take Mars’ temperature. The mole stopped working properly in February.

In the future, Panning would like to see sensors on every planetary body that quakes, especially Enceladus, a moon of Saturn from which plumes of water shoot out. Even better than one seismometer: a whole network of them.

"Seismology on Earth is almost entirely built on networks of data," Panning said. "I’d love to put seismometers everywhere."

SEE ALSO: NASA’s next Mars rover will launch in 2020, and it’s being built before our eyes — here’s what the robot’s birth has looked like

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NOW WATCH: NASA sent an $850 million hammer to Mars and it could uncover clues to an outstanding mystery in our solar system

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